Life Lessons From Ella

This past year has taught me a lot about myself as a person and as a mom. Ella is a fantastic teacher and really pushes you to break the mold and to think outside of the box. Maybe that's due to her stubborn nature and pure cuteness ;).

I wanted to share some of the lessons that raising Ella has taught me so far. I am sure there are many more to come. The terrible two's and the even more terrible and trying three's are sure to teach me countless lessons!

Ella's Life Lessons

1. Laugh every day. At least once a day: Ella is our families clown. She has a silly personality and is always making us laugh. But, it's not just her silliness that we laugh at. Sometimes you need to laugh when baby does something frustrating or nasty. Like when I woke up to Ella covered in throw up yesterday and in poop today. Laughing really helps ease the tension!
2. Don't break your back trying to get household chores done: There are days when I want to pull my hair out over all that I need to get done around the house. Working 33 hours a week, it is easy for me to fall behind on household chores. Then, on days off I am scrambling around trying to get everything done. If it doesn't get done during the week, it is nearly impossible to get it all done on the weekend (our designated family time). Only after going crazy one Sunday morning trying to get the house tidy before we had guests over after church, did I realize that I needed to stop stressing so much over the house. No mom is perfect, and I bet more of us than you realize, don't have perfect houses 24/7. A little mess is OK. It takes time to adjust to the role of motherhood, working, and household manager. 
3. Don't do it alone: I got pregnant 5 months after we moved across the country. 2000 miles away from my close family and friends. Making friends is a lot harder once you leave college, but it is just as necessary. Christians (and all people) need community. It is how God designed us. As an independent person, I have always been the type to try and do things on my own. Rarely asking for help. In college I chose to write a major research paper on my own rather than do it in a group! My success needs to depend on me and not on others. BUT! This is not how God designed us. He designed us to thrive in a community setting. To do things as a family. I am but one measly part of God's body. A finger who is lost without the hand. This has become increasingly obvious in motherhood. Raising a baby is HARD! Toddlers are even harder! I have found that it is important to connect with other women and moms. To form play groups not just for our kids social development, but for our own support and encouragement. It has made a tremendous difference in my spiritual and emotional well-being. Even if I go to story-time 3 times a week, I am glad to be surrounded by other moms and fellow Christians.
4. Remember there is no "right" way to parent a child: As a first time mom, I was given a lot of advice from other moms. I was told that I need "this book" and to do certain things to ensure that my baby would turn out OK. It is a bit overwhelming! But, the moment that the doctors laid Ella on my now unpregnant stomach, I realized that she was MY daughter and that I would know the best way to parent her. Whether I chose to be a Baby Wise mom, an attachment parenting mom, a mom who coslept, or a mom who put baby in her own crib from day 1, I would be the exact mom that Ella needed. No one parenting style is the RIGHT parenting style. I quickly realized that all moms do things differently. All moms know what their families needs are. And that the way that they choose to parent their child is the best way for their family. Often times I hear moms making excuses for why they do the things that they do. We don't need to make excuses, we need to embrace each other. As long as we are raising our children to love and to glorify their Savior and God, the everyday practical stuff is of little significance. Christ does not care whether we nursed them until 5 months of 5 years. He cares that their precious hearts belong to him.
5. God is in charge of the big and the little things in life: I am a worrier. I often have a hard time of remembering that I serve a sovereign God who is control of ALL aspects of my life. God is in charge of our finances, health, homes, careers, and our family. When one of these areas of our lives are being challenged, we often times we lose sight of how strong and powerful our God is. Yet, it quicklt becomes obvious that God is in control of the major aspects of our lives. But, what about the little things? What about the neighbors who surround us? How our children grow and develop? When baby walks? Who you meet at story time this week? These little areas of our lives are the ones that I believe we are most prone to forgetting God in. God designed our children, our neighborhoods, our random encounters with other people, all to achieve glory for Him. It may sound silly, but God deeply cares about 
6. Babies are not perfect either: I know that I am far from perfect and I am more than aware that my husband is not perfect ;), but babies are not perfect either. Just because there are these so called "normal" ages by which babies do certain things, does not mean that baby will necessarily sleep through the night or want you to put food into her mouth. Babies are messy, loud, and temperamental creatures! They throw things, get hurt, hurt you, spill food and drinks, have massive blow out diapers, and do lots of other less than perfect things. At 1, Ella has perfected the temper tantrum and is one of the most stubborn people that I know. At 1! She is far from perfect. 
7. Don't beat yourself up: I sometimes get frustrated and down on myself for not being the "perfect" wife and mother. There are days that the house is a mess, dinner is the last thing that I want to do, and the laundry hamper is looking dangerously like Mt. Everest. On these days I sometimes feel like a failure as a wife and mom. Over the course of Ella's first year, I have learned to give myself grace. Life is CRAZY. And 6 loads of dirty laundry is not (as much as we sometimes think it is) the end of the world. My marriage and my children will survive the occasional dinner of frozen entrees and take out food. No one will die if "that shirt" is not clean in time for the morning. And as much as husbands might groan about disorganization and dirty dishes, they don't really care that much or else they would get to work doing it themselves!
8. Kisses, cuddles, hugs, and smiles make everything better: Even after Ella has thrown a ridiculous and massive tantrum, her laugh instantly brings a smile to my face. There is something about the cute affectionate moments that instantly breaks through my tough mom act. Tears, tantrums, screams, and yelling are unbearable at times, but its the loving and cuddly moments that I live for as a mom. 
9. Schedule "you" time: Although I am not technically a stay at home mom, Ella is with me 24/7 since she comes with me as I nanny for 33 hours each week. As a nursing mom of a baby who refused a bottle after 4 months, it was not easy for me to physically get away for some me time. Me time has proven crucial for me during the first year. I have found that it allows moms to recharge, find some calm in the chaos of the day, and be better equipped to handle the rest of the day ahead of me. While Ella still naps twice a day, I have made a point to spend at least 30 minutes each day doing something that I enjoy (typically reading). I know that many moms use nap time to catch up on household chores and meal prep, but it's important not to forget about yourself. Whether you take some you time before the kids wake up, during naps, or after bedtime, you will be better equipped to cook, clean, care for your husband and kids, and thrive spiritually if you don't neglect your own physical and emotional needs.
10. Don't forget your husband: All too often new parents fall into the trap of focusing their full energy on their children rather than on their marriage. With a cute, helpless, cooing bundle of joy it is a fairly easy trap to get caught in. Yet, what child wants to grow up in a home built on a shaky foundation? As a child who grew up in a broken family, I can say that a healthy parental marriage is a lot more important in the long run than being the center of mommy and daddy's universe. I am a new mom myself and I can say that it is an overwhelming job! There is a lot to do between night wakings, feeding baby AND husband, cleaning laundry, cleaning the house, working, meal prep, and ensuring that your family survives the day. But, throughout the entire time my husband has been beside me. We are not perfect new parents or even perfect newlyweds. We butt heads and disagree. Yet, he is to be my number one relationship after my relationship with Christ. God has a specific plan for the family order and when I fail to follow that I can see its effects throughout our home. Plan date nights, movie nights at home, dinner alone, time to talk. You don't need to spend money, but you do need to invest time. 

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