Ella is blessed to be daddy's favorite little girl from before she was born. As most of our friends know, Ella was our little surprise from God. Becoming pregnant was a big shock for me and it took me a little while to adjust. Tim, on the other hand, was happy about it from the beginning. He was excited to see me pregnant (and barefoot?? seems to be the males idealized view of women ;) ) and came with me to every routine midwife appointment. Tim doesn't normally show a lot of emotion, but it was obvious to many that he was thrilled to be having our little girl.
While pregnancy definitely caused some ripples in our relationship (too much hormones in one 650 sq. apt), overall it was a great season in our marriage. Ella arrived 4 days before our one year anniversary and quickly became daddy's princess. Some of my favorite newborn memories of Ella are when she was being held and cared for by Tim. It is wonderful to feel that unconditional parent/child love for someone, but it is truly amazing to watch it take root in another person. Ella can make Tim smile even on the hardest and most stressful of days.
As Ella has grown, it is clear that she has Tim's quirky, funny, smart, and geeky (don't ask how a 10 month-old can be geeky, but Ella is). These two will be partners in crime for many years to come. A lot of our laughs as a couple are over how much stress the two of them will cause me ;). I look forward to every exasperated moment of it.
I also look forward to the little battles that Tim and Ella will have. A girl is bound to butt heads with her dad, especially if they have similar personalities. As Ella grows and matures we will have to face the challenges of disciplining a toddler, a small child, a kid, a pre-teen (eek puberty), and then a teenager. Raising a daughter is a tremendous task. Yet, I look forward to having those hard talks with Tim and Ella. To see him tell her why she cannot wear a certain outfit or why it is not nice to hurt a friends feelings.
Growing up without a father, I never got to experience any of the joys and battles of the father daughter relationship. I was the girl who took her uncle to father/daughter events. Although I did not necessarily miss my father himself, I missed the role that he played in my life. Even as a young girl, I wished that I had a father to read me stories and to scare away the monsters under my bed. As a teenager, I longed for the father presence that I felt in the homes of my friends. As an engaged woman, I felt the hole of a father in my life as I contemplated who would walk me down the aisle. Now, as a mom, I miss the role that a father could play in my life as a grown and married woman and the role that he could play in Ella's life as a grandfather.
Although my relationship with my father will probably never be restored, I have numerous men in my life who have stepped into that role in various ways. Uncles, the fathers of my friends, men at church, and my father-in-law have all filled this role in various ways.
Yet, there was and is still a father shaped hole in my heart. God has filled in it a way that only He can, but he has not removed it. It is the absence of a father in my life that drew me to Christ. It is God who has allowed me to forgive my father. And it is God who gave me the father that I have. He has a purpose and a plan for this.
But, God has not chosen to give Ella the life of a fatherless child. He has blessed her with a wonderful man who loves her in a way only a father can love a daughter. He will be there to help her take her tentative first steps, to ease her worries about starting school, to ask her about her day and to help her with her homework, to cuddle with and read stories, and to tell her some hard truths as she grows up. I am sure that they will fight. One day she will probably tell him that she can't stand him and that she hates him. And even then, he will be her daddy and he will love her.
I am excited to see their relationship grow as Ella gets older. It is clear that they will be close and be partners in crime. As much as I will probably complain, I welcome their mischief and praise God that he has formed this bond between the two of them.
Ella is her daddy's princess, and he will be her hero.
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