In our adventures we come across a lot of babies, kids, and their moms. I have overheard moms talking about anything from the superiority of moms who sacrifice to stay at home to raise their kids (not a loving conversation) to the amazing abilities of their potty-trained tots. Women love to talk. Women with kids love to talk about their kids. And after spending 12+ waking hours with your children, what else is there really to talk about?! Yet, these conversations can and often do take a venomous twist. Instead of offering words of encouragement, support, and congratulations, moms can fall into the trap of using their children's accomplishments and abilities as weapons against one another. We can easily discourage one another when we should be edifying one another.
How does this happen? How do we turn a casual conversation about potty training into a contest for the world's best mom? By comparing our babies and children to other babies and children. I would bet that not many moms can claim to have never compared their little ones to a friend's baby (or perhaps to a complete stranger's child). It is a common trap that moms fall into. It is an easy trap to fall into. You could say it is only natural to compare milestones and achievements. And it is. To some extent. If you have an 8 month old, you are going to notice what other 8 month olds are doing. How could you not? But, does that fact that Jane isn't crawling yet make you a bad mom? Does it make Jane less intelligent? Does it mean that Jane will be hindered in some way later on?
NO!
Earlier, I posted about the "Mommy Wars". I have come to realize that our greatest weapons in this war are our own children. Those cute bundles of joy who eagerly waited 9 months for, are what we choose to use against our fellow comrades in mommyhood. They are what we use to measure our success as mothers. If baby fails to meet a milestone or do things that other babies her age are doing, we tend to assume that we are doing something wrong. Aren't we the ones in charge of our little one's development? Ummm...nope!
My husband and I recently watched a documentary on the mental and physical development of baby during her first year. While geeky, it was eye-opening. God designed babies in a specific way. He is the one who created their brains in such a manner that they are capable of learning an astounding amount during their first few years of life. Yet, scientific studies show that baby is incapable of reaching milestones before he is mentally able. His brain needs to develop the skill before he can complete the skill. Baby cannot crawl before baby is meant to crawl. No matter how hard we try, we cannot force our children to reach milestones ahead of when they are ready.
You might be the best household chore, meal planning, baby wearing, closet organizing, organic mama out there, but you can't change how and when your baby develops. God created our children and He is the one who is in control of when and how they develop and learn. Instead of focusing on when Claire crawls, focus on what Claire can already do. Enjoy each day with your baby without the added pressure of having to push her to achieve. Praise him for what has learned to do thus far. Babies are amazing creatures. Each one is unique and wonderfully designed by a loving and sovereign God.
*This is not to say that we shouldn't read to our babies, play music with them, let them do puzzles, or provide activities that encourage fine and gross motor skills. These things are good and should be a part of babies environment. Yet, these things can not force our baby to develop faster than they are designed to. And we should not measure our success as moms by babies achievements.
My husband and I recently watched a documentary on the mental and physical development of baby during her first year. While geeky, it was eye-opening. God designed babies in a specific way. He is the one who created their brains in such a manner that they are capable of learning an astounding amount during their first few years of life. Yet, scientific studies show that baby is incapable of reaching milestones before he is mentally able. His brain needs to develop the skill before he can complete the skill. Baby cannot crawl before baby is meant to crawl. No matter how hard we try, we cannot force our children to reach milestones ahead of when they are ready.
You might be the best household chore, meal planning, baby wearing, closet organizing, organic mama out there, but you can't change how and when your baby develops. God created our children and He is the one who is in control of when and how they develop and learn. Instead of focusing on when Claire crawls, focus on what Claire can already do. Enjoy each day with your baby without the added pressure of having to push her to achieve. Praise him for what has learned to do thus far. Babies are amazing creatures. Each one is unique and wonderfully designed by a loving and sovereign God.
*This is not to say that we shouldn't read to our babies, play music with them, let them do puzzles, or provide activities that encourage fine and gross motor skills. These things are good and should be a part of babies environment. Yet, these things can not force our baby to develop faster than they are designed to. And we should not measure our success as moms by babies achievements.
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