Blessed by Daddy

Ella is blessed to be daddy's favorite little girl from before she was born. As most of our friends know, Ella was our little surprise from God. Becoming pregnant was a big shock for me and it took me a little while to adjust. Tim, on the other hand, was happy about it from the beginning. He was excited to see me pregnant (and barefoot?? seems to be the males idealized view of women ;) ) and came with me to every routine midwife appointment. Tim doesn't normally show a lot of emotion, but it was obvious to many that he was thrilled to be having our little girl.

While pregnancy definitely caused some ripples in our relationship (too much hormones in one 650 sq. apt), overall it was a great season in our marriage. Ella arrived 4 days before our one year anniversary and quickly became daddy's princess. Some of my favorite newborn memories of Ella are when she was being held and cared for by Tim. It is wonderful to feel that unconditional parent/child love for someone, but it is truly amazing to watch it take root in another person. Ella can make Tim smile even on the hardest and most stressful of days. 

As Ella has grown, it is clear that she has Tim's quirky, funny, smart, and geeky (don't ask how a 10 month-old can be geeky, but Ella is). These two will be partners in crime for many years to come. A lot of our laughs as a couple are over how much stress the two of them will cause me ;). I look forward to every exasperated moment of it. 

I also look forward to the little battles that Tim and Ella will have. A girl is bound to butt heads with her dad, especially if they have similar personalities. As Ella grows and matures we will have to face the challenges of disciplining a toddler, a small child, a kid, a pre-teen (eek puberty), and then a teenager. Raising a daughter is a tremendous task. Yet, I look forward to having those hard talks with Tim and Ella. To see him tell her why she cannot wear a certain outfit or why it is not nice to hurt a friends feelings. 

Growing up without a father, I never got to experience any of the joys and battles of the father daughter relationship. I was the girl who took her uncle to father/daughter events. Although I did not necessarily miss my father himself, I missed the role that he played in my life. Even as a young girl, I wished that I had a father to read me stories and to scare away the monsters under my bed. As a teenager, I longed for the father presence that I felt in the homes of my friends. As an engaged woman, I felt the hole of a father in my life as I contemplated who would walk me down the aisle. Now, as a mom, I miss the role that a father could play in my life as a grown and married woman and the role that he could play in Ella's life as a grandfather. 

Although my relationship with my father will probably never be restored, I have numerous men in my life who have stepped into that role in various ways. Uncles, the fathers of my friends, men at church, and my father-in-law have all filled this role in various ways.

Yet, there was and is still a father shaped hole in my heart. God has filled in it a way that only He can, but he has not removed it. It is the absence of a father in my life that drew me to Christ. It is God who has allowed me to forgive my father. And it is God who gave me the father that I have. He has a purpose and a plan for this.

But, God has not chosen to give Ella the life of a fatherless child. He has blessed her with a wonderful man who loves her in a way only a father can love a daughter. He will be there to help her take her tentative first steps, to ease her worries about starting school, to ask her about her day and to help her with her homework, to cuddle with and read stories, and to tell her some hard truths as she grows up. I am sure that they will fight. One day she will probably tell him that she can't stand him and that she hates him. And even then, he will be her daddy and he will love her.

I am excited to see their relationship grow as Ella gets older. It is clear that they will be close and be partners in crime. As much as I will probably complain, I welcome their mischief and praise God that he has formed this bond between the two of them. 

Ella is her daddy's princess, and he will be her hero.

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Mommy Traps

I love getting out with Ella. Whether it is to the library, the mall, running errands, or going to the park, I feel the need to get out of the house each day. It might be due to the fact that being trapped in 725 sq. ft. with a  wild 9.5 month old is a bit overwhelming. I also am unashamed to admit that I am a library addict and my week feels incomplete without one trip to the library (we typically go 2 times, maybe more). Getting out allows me the ability to unwind and focus on the days tasks ahead while allowing Ella to socialize and explore the world around her.

In our adventures we come across a lot of babies, kids, and their moms. I have overheard moms talking about anything from the superiority of moms who sacrifice to stay at home to raise their kids (not a loving conversation) to the amazing abilities of their potty-trained tots. Women love to talk. Women with kids love to talk about their kids. And after spending 12+ waking hours with your children, what else is there really to talk about?! Yet, these conversations can and often do take a venomous twist. Instead of offering words of encouragement, support, and congratulations, moms can fall into the trap of using their children's accomplishments and abilities as weapons against one another. We can easily discourage one another when we should be edifying one another.

How does this happen? How do we turn a casual conversation about potty training into a contest for the world's best mom? By comparing our babies and children to other babies and children. I would bet that not many moms can claim to have never compared their little ones to a friend's baby (or perhaps to a complete stranger's child). It is a common trap that moms fall into. It is an easy trap to fall into. You could say it is only natural to compare milestones and achievements. And it is. To some extent. If you have an 8 month old, you are going to notice what other 8 month olds are doing. How could you not? But, does that fact that Jane isn't crawling yet make you a bad mom? Does it make Jane less intelligent? Does it mean that Jane will be hindered in some way later on? 

NO!

Earlier, I posted about the "Mommy Wars". I have come to realize that our greatest weapons in this war are our own children. Those cute bundles of joy who eagerly waited 9 months for, are what we choose to use against our fellow comrades in mommyhood. They are what we use to measure our success as mothers. If baby fails to meet a milestone or do things that other babies her age are doing, we tend to assume that we are doing something wrong. Aren't we the ones in charge of our little one's development? Ummm...nope!

My husband and I recently watched a documentary on the mental and physical development of baby during her first year. While geeky, it was eye-opening. God designed babies in a specific way. He is the one who created their brains in such a manner that they are capable of learning an astounding amount during their first few years of life. Yet, scientific studies show that baby is incapable of reaching milestones before he is mentally able. His brain needs to develop the skill before he can complete the skill. Baby cannot crawl before baby is meant to crawl. No matter how hard we try, we cannot force our children to reach milestones ahead of when they are ready.

You might be the best household chore, meal planning, baby wearing, closet organizing, organic mama out there, but you can't change how and when your baby develops. God created our children and He is the one who is in control of when and how they develop and learn. Instead of focusing on when Claire crawls, focus on what Claire can already do. Enjoy each day with your baby without the added pressure of having to push her to achieve. Praise him for what has learned to do thus far. Babies are amazing creatures. Each one is unique and wonderfully designed by a loving and sovereign God.

*This is not to say that we shouldn't read to our babies, play music with them, let them do puzzles, or provide activities that encourage fine and gross motor skills. These things are good and should be a part of babies environment. Yet, these things can not force our baby to develop faster than they are designed to. And we should not measure our success as moms by babies achievements. 

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She's God's Baby First

Ella's 9 month physical was a bit more chaotic than I expected. What I thought would be a 20 minute long well baby visit, turned out to be an hour long look at Ella's hips and head.

Developmentally Ella is doing fantastic. She is hitting all of her social, gross/fine motor skills, cognitive,  and verbal milestones. The doctors and nurses commented on how loud and verbal Ella is. You could hear her talking and yelling from the waiting room!

The pediatricians first concern was when she was calculating the percentages for Ella's weight, height, and head circumference. Her height and weight have stayed around 50%, but her head has jumped about 2 percentage points to the 90th percentile. It had been at the 75th percentile from birth, had a slight increase at 6 months, and took a good jump over the past 3 months. Because of this, Ella has been referred to a neurosurgeon to get her head circumference evaluated and to make sure there are no issues such as a disorder or fluid in the skull. Most likely, Ella has been blessed with her daddy's big head!

Our second concern was with Ella's hips. When the pedi went to make sure that Ella's hips were even, she noticed an extra skin roll in one of her legs. This is a common sign of Hip Dysplasia in which the hip sockets are not forming correctly. We were sent to the Children's Hospital for a hip x-ray. Fortunately, the x-ray came back normal and Ella's hips are perfect :)

Although Ella is most likely a healthy and thriving baby girl, these two concerns reminded me that while Ella may be our physical daughter, she is first and foremost God's. God is the one who decided that we needed Ella in our lives and God is the one who decides how her life develops. God has reminded me that He is in control over all aspects of Ella's life. Over how she grows and learns. Over when she learns to walk. Over her personality and temperament. Even over these scares that come along as we raise her.

Our God is a powerful and loving God. He has a plan and a purpose for Ella's life. Becoming pregnant with Ella and raising her these past 9 months have taught me to trust God with the big and little things in life. As she becomes more independent and determined, I will continually have to draw on the truth that God has my little girl in His hand. She is God's baby and he has blessed us with the opportunity and responsibility of raising her for Him.

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Adventures in Baby-Led Weaning

Before Ella, I had never heard of baby-led weaning. I always assumed that babies had to eat pureed fruits, veggies, and meats. Walking through the grocery store or the baby aisle at Target, it would never have crossed my mind to simply feed Ella soft-cooked foods or even the foods that my husband and I have for dinner.

I stumbled across the concept of Baby-Led Weaning (BLW) while browsing for baby food recipes on wholesomebabyfood.com (great website for information on infant nutrition, feeding, and recipes for purees and baby-led weaning). I hadn't started Ella on solid foods yet, so I didn't pay it much mind. Everyone did pureed baby food, so I figured we would too.

At 5.5 months, when Ella suddenly started waking more at night, a pediatrician recommended starting her on rice cereal before bed. It was an hysterical endeavor. By the end of the first meal, Ella was covered in sticky rice cereal, but she did have a smile on her face.

Feeding Ella has been a blessing. I have heard of babies who refuse any green foods or who hate vegetables from day 1 of solid foods. Ella eats EVERYTHING. She puts me to shame when it comes to trying new foods and enjoying them. We introduced Ella to vegetables at 6 months and started with Avacado and Sweet Potato. As a somewhat laid back mom, I allowed Ella to try many new fruits and veggies in the first 2 months of solids (at 7.5 months I think she had tried over a dozen different veggies and fruits).

Our decision to let Ella self-feed was somewhat unplanned. By 6 months she was a stable sitter and was using her thumb and finger to pick up puffs and cheerios. She loved feeding herself! It was getting to the point where I couldn't spoon feed her without a battle over who controlled the spoon. And giving Ella her own spoon wasn't enough; she wanted the spoon with the food on it!

At 7 months we decided to started to introduce self-feeding. We started by giving Ella bits of bananas, french toast, scrambled eggs, avocados, and sweet potatoes. Over the next 2 weeks, I slowly stopped feeding Ella pureed foods. By this time, Ella and I were planning on taking a trip back east to visit my family. It seemed easiest to have her self-feeding during our vacation. I wouldn't have to worry about buying or packing baby food and Ella would be happy to be included in family meals.

Self-feeding was an easy transition for Ella. At first Ella was getting less solid intake than when I was feeding her, but after a month of feeding herself she was able to eat a full meal on her own. Now Ella shuts her mouth and turns her head if I try to offer her food with my hand or on a spoon. She has become a fiercely independent eater!

The following list is the rules that I try to follow with BLW:

1. Ella gets at least 1 serving a day of fruit, veggies, and protein. Usually 2 of veggies and fruits.
2. I soft cook Ella's food so that I am able to mush it between my fingers. I do this for pasta, vegetables, and fruit.
3. I feed Ella what we eat for dinner unless it is too spicy (I would, but spicy foods seem to upset Ella's stomach). 
4. I don't salt Ella's portions (we do use seasonings).
5. I don't add sugar (she has had sugar though). 
6. I started Ella on small pieces of food and graduated up to bigger chunks (she seems to prefer small pieces that she can pick up with her fingers. A lot of what I read recommends introducing fry shaped pieces so that little one's can grasp it and bite off pieces)
7. Relax about messes. It's bound to happen.
8. I give Ella a bowl and spoon when it is appropriate as with oatmeal or pasta. Although the contents usually end up on the tray and the spoon on the floor. She has slowly figured out how to use a spoon (although she rarely does!).
9. If she doesn't seem interested in a food, I try (try,try,try, try) it again and sometimes using a different cooking method or piece size (ex. baked instead of steamed or fry shaped instead of cubed). This has worked with Ella really well. 
10. Have fun! Try new foods and be creative. 

I am sure there are more things that I do, but I just go with the flow a lot. These are some of my go to BLW meals:

1. Turkey/Chicken and cheese sandwiches (I buy low sodium deli-meat). Give the bread on the side with ripped up pieces of meat and shredded or cubed cheese.
2. Cottage cheese w/fresh fruit (this one is MESSY, but Ella loves it)
3. Peanut butter, cream cheese, jam, or any other topping on toast fingers
4. Oatmeal bars (recipe below)
5. Cheerios (duh)
6. Baked Sweet Potatoes
7. Beans
8. Cheese Quesadillas (I will add meat sometimes)
9. Baby smoothies (whole milk yogurt and any fruits/veggies that I desire)

Some benefits of BLW:

1. Teaches fine motor skills (pincer grasp)
2. Some studies suggest it teaches better portion control since baby decides when he or she is done eating.
3. Due to the better portion control, some studies suggest it lowers the risk of childhood obesity.
4. Wider variety than what is available in jarred foods.
5. Baby feeding self = less work for mom. It sounds selfish, but this has been key for me. I am now able to enjoy a meal and Ella is now able to eat alongside of us. Yay for family meal time!
6. Wide variety of tastes and textures for baby to explore. 

An important note: Although I do BLW with Ella, I understand that this is not for every mom. As with any parenting choice, what you feed and how you feed your baby is entirely up to you and dad. Some babies need the extra caloric value that solid foods provide, but are unable to self-feed due to texture preference, gag reflux, or any other number of reasons. Parenting is an adventure and there is not one right way to do things. 

Delicious Oatmeal Bars for Baby (my personal adjustments in bold)

(http://blog.homemade-baby-food-recipes.com/delicious-oat-bars-for-baby-sugar-free-and-full-of-whole-grain-goodness/)

I got this recipe courtesy of Homemade Baby Food Recipes

6 oz (1 1/2 cups) rolled oats*
6 oz (approx 3/4 cup) dried cranberries (or substitute with another dried fruit your baby enjoys) I used frozen blueberries instead of dried fruit and plan to use baked apples next time.
2 tbsp wheat germ (a nutritious addition, but not essential)
1 tsp cinnamon I used more cinnamon as Ella loves cinnamon
10 fl oz (1 1/4 cup) milk (I used whole milk, but you can use reduced fat milk for older children and adults) I added a little extra milk to make them softer for easier eating
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp vanilla extract

As these are not very sweet, I would consider adding applesauce next time that I make them. For babies over 1, I would add honey.

*If you use quick cooking oats in this recipe, you will need less milk (probably just under 8 fl oz / 1 cup) and a shorter cooking time (30 to 40 mins or so).

Preheat the oven to 350 deg F (180 deg C).
Put the oats, wheat germ, dried fruit and cinnamon into a bowl and mix thoroughly.
In a separate bowl, mix the milk with the beaten egg and vanilla.
Mix the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients until thoroughly combined.
Grease a small baking tin, pour in the mixture and flatten on top. I tripled the recipe and poured the mixture into a jelly roll pan. It made the bars the perfect thickness and allowed me to freeze a lot of extra bars for easy breakfasts

Bake for 40 to 50 mins until firm.

Cut into bars (or whatever shape you like) whilst still warm – and they’re particularly tasty served warm, too.

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American Mommy Wars

It has been a couple of month's since Time Magazines notorious breastfeeding cover first caused an uproar. But, the impression that it has made on me is still strong. It has made me realize the tremendous pull of the American mommy wars. It seems like everyone has a widely different and tightly held opinion about how to parent children the "right" way. Raising Ella has taught me to see that every mommy does things differently. Some read baby books and follow them to a T, while others never pick up a book to begin with. Some breastfeed past 1 year, while some formula feed from day one. Baby's co-sleep and sleep in their own cribs. Some cry themselves to sleep while others are nursed or rocked. One way isn't the "right" way. One way isn't the "godly" way. Outside of the moral and biblical training of a child, I have found that the practical do's and don'ts of child raising are extremely flexible. Looking at a class of fifth grade children, I am pretty sure I would not be able to tell who breastfed or drank formula, who ate organic only produce and who was exposed to countless pesticides, or who wore cloth diapers and who wore disposables. These little things just don't matter that much in the end result.

I have seen a couple other blogging moms post a list of the things that they do as moms that they are sure they have messed up their babies according to someone's standards. It is a neat idea and I have decided to follow their example.

These are the ways that we have raised Ella and I am sure someone out there would disagree with us:

Although I was planning to try natural childbirth, I had an epidural and LOVED it.

Ella got a pacifier while in the hospital.

I let Ella have A LOT of independent play. She can play in the living room and her bedroom alone (within reason).

Ella slept in bed by my side 75% of the time until she moved to her own crib at 3.5 months.

I've nursed Ella from birth and don't have a set end date.

We let Ella cry it out for naps and bed.

Ella still nurses at night (mainly because my resolve to let her cry it out at night as opposed to getting back to sleep quickly with nursing is very low at 2am)

We bought jarred baby food and made our own.

We stopped feeding Ella jarred baby food at 7 months and let her self-feed.

Ella has had peanuts, eggs, and dairy products.

I am crazy inconsistent at baby sign language.

Ella loves playing with grass and I wouldn't be surprised if she has eaten some.

We cloth diaper, but I do resort to disposables when doing diaper laundry, traveling, and church. 

I love baby wearing and don't know where I would be without my Moby Wrap and Ergo.

We listen to all different kinds of music around Ella (including Eminem and Mozart)

Ella has watched TV.

When Ella escapes from a diaper change and starts crawling around butt naked I laugh and grab the camera.

I am somewhat lost in regards to the tantrums of a 9 month old and how to discourage those.

I am sure there is more. But the beautiful thing about motherhood is that your kids love you regardless of whether or not you fed them organic or not. I am pretty sure that I will never get thanked for putting Ella in cloth or scolded for getting an epidural. What truly matters is that you show your kids the love of Christ and the power of the gospel. That they are healthy, loved, and guided in truth. 

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